The Wind is a Girl
by AnnieMJ
Summary: I sit down on the front steps and look at the moon, trying to see a face, the one that will smile at me because I haven't been smiled at in a long time.


**The Wind is a Girl**

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Disney show Hannah Montana

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Sex is everywhere, love ain't easy and life is hard.

Don't know why I feel so out of tune with the rest of this world. My friends think I think too much and I know I should stop because it's gotten me into the worst. Every day is every night.

Even when the light strolls on in, it burns because I'm so used to the dark. It's a Saturday, it's the weekend and we're supposed to celebrate, but I'm a college kid, I don't know what's today and what's yesterday. I just do the same, all the same, with the same and that's how it goes.

Then there's this point where everything is just bland. Peppers are sweet and water is spicy. Toothpaste is hot and coffee is minty. My breath feels like a book being written with each passing exhale.

I try to inhale.

Nothing comes in, it all just slips out. My eyes are open, but it makes my head hurt. The heat rushes in, but it's not warm, it's just heat.

It's dry and I stare at the air like I can see it but I don't and I won't because you can't see anything when your eyes aren't open though they are open but they're not open and it makes no sense because my eyes can't see no matter how much I try.

It's time to party, someone's dropped me off at this big house and it's pretty and looks like it's from a movie and I want to go in, but I sit down on the front steps and look at the moon, trying to see a face, the one that will smile at me because I haven't been smiled at in a long time.

A nice guy, he takes my hand and leads me inside, promises I'll have a good time and I'm nodding, but I'm not having a good time. I think when I was born I was meant to die.

All the good girls die.

I remember my mother telling me all women lead empty lives, but that was a long time ago. I figure now that women can do what the fuck they want, they can be happy, but maybe it's a woman's fate to be unhappy because I can't see a girl who shines and when I look in the mirror I see nothing, so that must mean empty.

My body is moving in the midst of many others, dancing.

Hands on my waist, hands on my ass.

Drum beats in my blood and a guitar riff pounding at my ears.

A beautiful girl with dark brown hair holds the poison, the reason I taint. A little pill and large cup, both of which she helps me drink.

And then there's the smoke, the one that makes you feel all funny and faraway.

I forget the plight that is humanity, the sadness that is present, and the reality that is never-ending.

I thought people were dancing, I thought I was having a good time, but no, now I'm in a room.

I'm in a bed and I'm in the middle of two girls. There's no light, no lamp, no nothing, it's all dark, I still hear the loud music and I still feel faraway.

I can feel them, them breathing, them touching, the kisses, the wet licks and the dry grinds against my fully clothed body. These girls aren't laughing, they aren't talking, they're just doing.

My face burrows into a shoulder as fingers tug at my belt and hands grope at my breasts.

They smell so sweet; that's the beauty of a girl, even in the midst of the fumes of alcohol and smoke, they smell so fucking sweet. Now my lips are clamped down on flesh as my virginity is lost in a basic transaction of seventeen seconds.

The girl with the soft voice promises that this will feel good and I'm waiting to feel anything, but this is me and I feel like an empty vessel that's feeling and not feeling and it's stupid and I'm crying because it hurts more than it feels good.

They're not heartless, they're quite nice and kiss me over and over again, telling me to relax and I do, but I don't and when they both hug me tightly, I close my eyes and try to feel warm.

I was gone. For about forty-three minutes, I was gone, out, away from the girls and when I awaken they're gone, out, away from me.

It throbs between my legs, it burns and it's not pleasant. I zip up my pants, redo my belt, then stumble my way out and into the hallway.

I should be astounded at myself for losing it that way, but it doesn't actually matter, it feels like I've lost nothing at all, nor have I gained.

I pass through sweaty, intoxicated bodies and manage to find my way out of the hyper adolescent crowd.

The low sound of sirens meet my ears and I light up a joint, taking in a long drag before I walk away. If I were more present, I might have warned the others, but it's hard to be decent when you're not decent.

But they hear the cops before I can reach the end of the block and it turns into a stampede of bodies in frantic alarm that push past me. By the time they clear out, I'm sprawled out on the ground, in a pile of bushes.

I don't mind, it's so soft lying here. The grass smells nice, it's a little damp, but really soft. I'm waiting for a wind to roll by to make this moment better, but when it comes, it's in the form of a girl. She stares down at me, her breath really ragged and I assume she's trying to escape the police.

She doesn't say a word, but she takes my joint before it's even half-finished and tosses it. I would protest, but those blue eyes are so pretty and so serious and so I stay mute.

She's really strong, like fucking wonder-woman because with ease she grabs the middle of my upper arms and just brings me into a standing position, but I'm practically dead-weight so I wonder how she managed that.

I almost tell her to go because the cops are so close, but before I can find a word, I'm staring at a nice jean-clad ass. I start laughing because she's thrown me over her shoulder and I think it's weird that this brunette is doing me a favor.

I remember closing my eyes, but I don't remember them opening again till the light is pouring through un-curtained windows and I'm naked and in a bed with this girl who's curled up into my side.

She's staring at me, studying me, I guess and there's a slow smile that forms on her lips, one that I return because I've been searching for a smile.

"You're awake." She says and it's not a question, it's an announcement because I can see her and I can feel me and I'm not empty.


End file.
